Well, the year is going as I would have hoped. This is really just an update about things just in case anyone was wondering about my inactivity.
My husband started a new job, and that has been a little bit stressful. But the main thing is that my father is dying from lung cancer in my mother's house next door and I've been watching his continuous progress from my father into this very sick person that will die very soon. I never imagined in my life that I would ever experience anything like this, but there it is. Only 6 months ago he was walking around and was happy as far as I knew. I suppose this would be considered a rapid deterioration.
I have not been dealing with this very well - not that I am crying all the time or anything like that. Probably just the opposite, which is also a problem. Only sometimes I can feel what I know is going to be a tidal wave of grief later on but it's like I've shut down those emotions for now, but even so, it does take its toll. I'm not that great with displaying certain emotions in front of people and I'd rather not show my grief to him while he is still alive, I try to spend my time with him in a meaningful way and to not burden him with any more than he is dealing with at the moment.
He is 82 years old. I've known from the time I was very little that having a father that was 52 when I was born was not normal. I cried my eyes out constantly as a child about it. Now as an adult I am not even sure what to do with myself. He chose not to get treatment because of his age so I can only watch helplessly as one of the kindest, gentlest, most loving and giving people is taken away from the world in the most cruel manner imaginable. Both my mother and I had assumed since he had always been in superior health his entire life that he would eventually just pass away peacefully in his sleep one night later on down the road. I guess another emotion I have is also anger.
So, any desire for creativity is hard pressed to found. I'm not sure if anyone else is this way, but I have a memory that plays things out like movies over and over, and so many of these are being made lately. Any of these are potential triggers in the future for great emotional stress for me and it has been very hard for me to learn to control this sort of thing so as not to turn into a sobbing wreck at any given moment. This may not seem normal or even right, but I'd rather those of you that don't understand to reserve judgement of me until you are in similar circumstances.
In conclusion, I'd like to thank those of you that have favorited my work or watched me. I appreciate it. I felt that I should at least let you know what was going on and to say that it may be a long time before I will post something again.